Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
