Porn is love you can see.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
