On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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