my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
