I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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