Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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