He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
