just tell him i said nine months
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
