i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize