Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
