Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was like eating out sand paper
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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