haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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