Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
zippers are such a cool invention
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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