so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
