So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
love makes seman taste better
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
