Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
