you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
