So drunk its hurt
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
