whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
