i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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