Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
