omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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