Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize