You're so nebulous sometimes
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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