I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
