Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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