Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
