Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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