ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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