My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
