it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
