I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
