You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
