Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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