now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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