I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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