I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
