The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
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I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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