He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
