Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
