I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
