it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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