We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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