Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize