toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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