thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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