bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
