I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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