i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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