We're like a lot better than the average bears
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she peed on how many people?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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