normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
