Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
