I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
