So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize