so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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