can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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