She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
