i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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